Five Journalistic Questions #1
Who? What? When? Where? Why?
January 26, 2022
4:26p
Hello there. I don’t think y’all understand how many hurdles I have had to jump to simply write that sentence. I have procrastinated a total of 15 times. I was so anxious and yet fearful of starting this endeavor that I ordered a pound of chocolate (more on that later), two Byredo candles, and contemplated a couch purchase before finally forcing myself to get started.
That being said, welcome to The Five Journalistic Questions a.k.a. Who? What? When? Where? Why? My weekly rundown of obsessions/curiosities/ramblings/opinions. I needed a way to get my thoughts off of Instagram stories and into a place that allows for dialogue, even if just with myself. Hold onto your wigs girls…let's get into these preguntas.
Who? The “who” this week goes to my friend and *multi*media writer extraordinaire Darian Symoné Harvin who set my corner of the internet ablaze with her very relaxed revelation on the Naked Beauty Podcast, created and hosted by Brooke DeVard. That’s right, this past Monday Darian revealed that she was getting a relaxer and the wee corner of the internet that pays attention to the inauguration of beauty trends was set ablaze. The comments were in such shambles that I had two separate conversations about it with friends before I got around to listening to the episode. I personally stan. I admire this dialogue and her because I have seen this conversation popping up in cells throughout the internet as our millennial age bracket (1984-1994), who grew up on Tumblr and through the second wave of the natural hair movement begin to enter into our early to mid-30s. Our lives are reaching a pace that requires delegation, ease, and our hair is starting to fall into that category as well. Four hour wash days are no longer simpatico with our packed schedules. For some of us, we need a change. Plain and simple. As a platinum member of the natural hair community, I, at times, have seriously considered returning to a texturizer. From what I can recall, the only reason I discontinued my allegiance to the creamy crack is because what high school sophomore wants to spend 7 fucking hours on a Saturday at a hair salon? (Time management was *not* my old stylist’s forte.) Thus, I went natural and was lucky enough that there was a booming market of products to assist me. There was no objection to that transition. Additionally, what is the natural hair movement without room for autonomy? Is that not what is being fought for with every article, interview, photo spread, and testimonial urging corporate workspaces and white people to leave Black people the fuck alone when it comes to our hair? Even as I type this, my hair is silk pressed and I absolutely *love* it. I enjoy the versatility and I am seriously considering making it semi-permanent through the duration of winter. I also love that I can delegate this task to a very talented trained professional for two hours and then go about my day. Straight hair and assimilation are not mutually inclusive. A perm does not a Stacy Dash make. There’s a larger conversation to be had but relax, y’all. It’s hair. Again and lastly, I’m excited and can’t wait for the debut, Darian!
What? The “what” this week goes to…………well, I’m conflicted. I was going to award it to the Not Past It podcast but I am diabolically unable of mystery/shutting the fuck up so and I put in my Instagram stories earlier this week. Nevertheless, someone is going to DM me next week asking for the name so I guess I can redirect them here. For those of you who paid attention, my “what” this week goes to another hot DM topic: Simon Miller Bubble Clogs. I receive so many messages about the two colorways I have (red + mustard) every time they appear in a photo. The questions are as follows: Are they worth the price? Are they comfortable? Do they happen to come in extended sizing? To answer those quickly: Yes. Yes. Unfortunately, no but if anyone from the Simon Miller team happens to get their hands on this non-newsletter newsletter, persons across the gender spectrum would like a chance to get their hands on larger sizing. Okay, back to my observations about this semi-controversial clog. To start, almost the perfect clog. This declaration was a while in the making. When the shoes first debuted, I avowed in my Shopaholics Anonymous group chat (Hi, Ericka! Hi, Crystal!) that I would *never* pay $$$ for a vegan leather clog (the controversy). Then one day I was either bored or sad— or both because I’m a Cancer in a 2.5 year #pandemic— and I fell prey to the algorithm’s offerings. I had a few extra shinplasters (This is a word but they won’t recognize AAVE as a language, okay.) to play around with after paying rent and decided the best choice for my future was to personally catalyze the economy vs. putting the money away for a rainy day. My inaugural colorway was red because I find it to be a safe utilitarian color that is simultaneously alluring and bold. I also had a promo code which never hurts because every shekel saved matters in the world of high-priced wares. Three to five business days later, I fell in love. The SMBC fit cohesively into my wardrobe and made that mid to late morning pastry run, pilates class arrival, or airport odyssey a little more stylish. As someone who loves casual dressing with breadcrumbs of luxury sprinkled throughout, it’s the kind of shoe that requires little to no planning when getting dressed for the day. It makes a statement while telling the world that the wearer doesn’t take themselves too seriously. It’s fun but structured. It tells the masses you’re either a loaded art student, an off-duty power broker in the Chelsea galleries— either perception is fine with me. Like, what is manifestation without a little delusion? If this run-on paragraph hasn’t convinced you of the power this shoe holds, let me jot down the three points that I used to deduce the risk/reward that may also sway you.
They’re cute. I use this excuse every week to buy some shit I don’t need. It’s a full sentence as well as a full reason to indulge in a little financial irresponsibility. Honestly, the fun of luxury is in the purchase anxiety. Just push the button and forget it ever happened…ya know, until UPS shows up and the cycle of anxiety ebbs and flows all over again until the return window closes. It’s thrilling but if an exhilarating adrenaline rush isn’t your thing, proceed to the second argument.
There isn’t another shoe like it on the market (yet**). This, too, was a line I repeatedly fed myself as I submitted payment not once, but twice for a pair of $455 fake leather clogs. Pushing P(rocess Payment) for the poly is worth it spasmodically when the product is distinct and unique and has a lasting quality. The latter being the most important element on my “Should I Indulge?’ checklist because I've rolled my ankle out of these shoes no less than 12 times since purchasing and there is not one scratch or mark of wear. Stupendous!
Lastly, they’re fully endorsed by the Walkers Association of New Yorkers Without Cars— great for day parties and function frolicking with friends. A little water and a microfiber cloth at the end of the night (or crack of dawn if you had a *really* great time) can take away the [physical] dirt and spilled drinks of a rowdy day. You also won’t spend the day in a funk from being stepped on thanks to the ample padding and platform. Ultimately, they go with everything and add a little razzle dazzle to the most basic of outfits. Boom! You’re welcome.
**[At the time publication, the legal and design team at ***** ****** haven’t yet found their way around patent infringement.] 👈🏽 This jokey joke was a byproduct of a Friday night phone call with formidable @Tembe. Thanks, girl!
When is the appropriate time to discuss nudes protocol? That was the only “when” question I had this week when it popped up in a group chat conversation. The matter has since been settled. Let’s continue, shall we? Lol
Where? I got a lot of questions about this place so I figured I’d start the inaugural edition of this series by answering as many pressing questions as possible. This week the place to be, besides at home because we’re still in a pangea, is Oso, a cute little Mexican restaurant that is nestled on a cute, burgeoning restaurant row on Amsterdam Ave. in Harlem. I frequent a bunch of restaurants on that block solo, accompanied, and en groupe and rarely leave dissatisfied. I’m very picky about cosigning Mexican food because I, as a California native, know good Mexican food and the east coast comes up short *a lot*. My favorite spot in NYC is still Gueros in Crown Heights, Brooklyn but for a really cute date night, this is where you may find me. As of right now, I can with a clear conscience recommend the birrira tacos, the chicken tamales, and the Taco Truck cocktail. (If you catch me on the Summer Jam screen, tucked in a corner with someone’s son(s), please keep it moving and mind your business. I’m embarrassed enough by my clownery.)
Why? The only ???? moment I had this week was when I was, against my will, presented a picture of one Willam Raymond “One Wish” Norwood Jr. and one slovenly ex-president that is often compared to Cheetos.
Sidebar: I honestly wish you all would stop that comparison because it is so fucking disrespectful to Cheetos. Frito-Lay, though not the gold standard of employers, would have me on their side if they decided to sue y’all for defamation and slander.
Okay, back to the topic. Can someone enlighten me about why this meeting happened? What is the point? You know what? I don’t want to know because nothing positive or productive could have come out of that news story. Besides, I’m saving my five shekels/week to bounce up out of here anyway. The sign up sheet for my women/femmes only commune will be in my Linktree in my Instagram bio. We *will* bus blindfolded men in and out of the commune twice a month and cellphone usage will be prohibited for visitors. Can’t have them finding out the geolocation. *wink, wink*
Thank you for tuning in to this edition of Who? What? When? Where? Why? a.k.a Five Journalistic Questions. Share with a friend of a friend of a friend. Take a screenshot, let me know you’ve read it and I will be back on Friday with the latest edition……concentration willing. Byyyeeeeeeeee! ✌🏽
